Fathers Who Are In The Military

Old Expectations

•Military family care plans are intended for mothers and their children.

1. •If men were interested in learning more about fatherhood, they would ask.
   

2. •Support isn’t something that military fathers want. If they want it, they should get it from a professional.
   

New Expectations

1. •Military family care plans are intended for fathers and mothers and their children.
   

2. •Men will show their eagerness to learn about fatherhood when they are asked.
   

3. •Military men want support in their fathering roles, and are receptive to receiving it from their peers.
   

Tips

1. 1.Advertise: “Advertise to catch your soldiers attention. Secrets are provocative. Let them know you have something valuable to offer.”
   

2. 2.No Lectures: “Make clear it’s a seminar. People in the Army are so used to being lectured at. They want a chance to talk and be heard.”
   

3. 3.Buy-in from Leadership: “Get the support of your leadership to make the time available during duty hours.”
   

4. 4.Disseminate: “Keep the information flow going. Give copies of the program or whatever you’ve been using to your commanders.”
   

Chaplain Jon Tidball, Fort Hood

Asking for Assistance

Old Expectations

1. •Men won’t admit to needing help, and certainly won’t seek support in their role as fathers.
   

2. •Men seek legal representation so they can “get” their former wives.
   

3. •Services for single parents should focus on mothers.
   

New Expectations

1. •Men won’t easily admit to needing help, but will take advantage of support if it is made available.
   

2. •Men seek legal representation because they want - and have a right - to stay connected to their children.
   

3. •Services for single parents should welcome both mothers and fathers.
   

Tips

1. 1.Don’t Pigeonhole your Organization: “Don’t call it a father’s rights organization. In a dualistic system, people assume if you are for one you are against the other.”
   

2. 2.Focus: “Figure out your focus - whether advocacy, education, or support. Whatever it is, you should enhance men as parents, but not at the expense of mothers.”
   

3. 3.Use an Asset Model: “Work from an asset model. Don’t point a finger at who is doing what wrong. Help people identify where they are doing right, and build on that.”
   

4. 4.Work with Women: “Recruit volunteers from a broad base of supportive men. Build a broad base of supportive women.”
   

5. 5.Teach, Don’t Fix: “Be a facilitator: Teach and enhance. Don’t fix.”
   

Neil Tiff, Director, Fathers Resource Center

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Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.