Parenting As A Collective Responsibility

Old Expectations

1. •Parenting is an individual responsibility.
   

2. •Fathers have no collective responsibility in their communities.
   

3. •Men cannot be organized into a service group. There are already too many groups in most communities.
   

New Expectations

1. •Parenting is a community responsibility.
   

2. •Fathers must take collective responsibility and action for their communities.
   

3. •Men are looking for the opportunity to join a service group that will actually do something for the youth in their community.
   

Tips

1. 1.Rally by Example: “If you are telling people they need to get out and confront the drug dealer, you have to go out and do it yourself first. And do it in love. We are not against dope dealers as individuals, but against what they are doing. If that individual is ready to make a change, we reach out our hand. Our logo is the outstretched hand of reasoning engulfing the fist of determination.”
   

2. 2.Stay Action-Oriented: “Don’t get caught up in rhetoric. Don’t get stuck with the shoulds or ought-to. What our kids don’t see are the role models - the heroes they need to see - the strong drug-free men of our community.”
   

3. 3.Don’t Quit in the Face of Opposition: “Opposition is a given: You can expect to encounter people who will be opposed to bringing about positive change in your community. You are going to get opposition from God’s enemy. That’s where the real dedication comes about - when you stay focused and vigilant in the face of opposition. Our kids can’t afford for us to fail them again.”
   

4. 4.Put God First: “By putting God first, then - as men - we are doing what’s right, for the right reason, at the right time, for the right motivation. I believe God is going to see that right wins out in the end.”
   

Eddie Staton, President, MAD DADS

Including Fathers In Schooling Issues

Old Expectations

1. •Parent-teacher conferences are really for mothers. If fathers show up, that’s a pleasant but not essential bonus.
   

2. •It shouldn’t take a special outreach effort to reach men. If they are interested in participating in events, they will show up.
   

3. •Only biological or legal fathers should be included in events.
   

New Expectations

1. •Parent-teacher conferences are for mothers and fathers. It is essential that fathers attend.
   

2. •It may take a special out-reach effort to reach men. Only then can you determine the level of interest.
   

3. •All fathers - biological, legal, or by social convention - should be included in events.
   

Tips

1. 1.Identity: “Make certain that the father is listed on the enrollment application. Get his address and phone number on your roster, and include him in all mailings, newsletters, flyers, etc.”
   

2. 2.Invite: “Whenever possible, invite fathers to the enrollment interview. Invite them to parent-teacher conferences, parent meetings, and all family activities.”
   

3. 3.Create Opportunities: “Create opportunities for me to plan and carry out activities with their children. Create opportunities that may be of special interest to men - a breakfast meeting, fix-up day, sports day, etc.”
   

Stan Seiderman, Associate Director, Fairfax-San Anselmo Children’s Center

Involvement OF Fathers With Children

Old Expectations

1. •Men don’t want to, and shouldn’t be forced into the care and treatment of their children. That should be left to mothers.
   

2. •All guys do at a support group is sit around and talk - and that’s a waste of time.
   

3. •Services for fathers need to be directed at professionals.
   

New Expectations

1. •Men want to be included in the care and treatment of their children - even when they don’t say it.
   

2. •Support from other fathers helps men understand their children for who they are, not for what they have.
   

3. •Services for fathers often need to be catalyzed by professionals, but they need to be “owned” by the fathers themselves.
   

Tips

1. 1.Expect Participation: “If little is expected of fathers, little may be delivered. The expectation that fathers want to participate in the care and treatment of their children must be a given.”
   

2. 2.Value the Difference: “Value a father’s offerings as different from a mother’s. Promote those differences.”
   

3. 3.Set Up Social Occasions: “Set up social occasions for men to gather, converse, and exchange ideas. This not only relieves some of the isolation men feel, but also provides them with a non-threatening environment in which to develop contacts for support.”
   

James May, Director, National Fathers Network

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Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.