In order to continue to make progress in addressing issues of violence in our world, it is essential that we all understand some basic principles of prevention.

The first is that most violence occurs between people who know each other. This is not the normal mindset that most people have when they tune into the evening news. Weather, sports, and rampage, and then they hear about yet another murder in the big city nearest them. Because all the details are not known when the story breaks, the false impression is laid that the violent episode was stranger related. The reality is that as a woman in this country, you are more likely to be maimed, raped, severely injured or killed by your husband, boyfriend or “ex”, than you are by a stranger. This is not to deny the reality of ‘stranger danger’. Many of us have been victimized by violence from strangers. But when we add up the numbers and carefully examine the epidemiology of violence, we clearly see a different picture. The most common form of sexual assault is acquaintance rape; our children and grandchildren are most likely to be sexually abused by a neighbor, relative, friend of the family or a babysitter; more than 65% of all homicides occur between people who know each other. This is, paradoxically, a hopeful perspective, since it elucidates patterns of violent behavior that clearly have many opportunities for prevention.

The second concept is that a lot of the violence we experience is domestic violence. When intimate terrorism is occurring, we have homicides, suicides, child abuse, elder abuse, and sexual assault. In addition, growing up in a violent household is the training ground for the next generation of violently acting-out juveniles. As we have paid more focused attention to improving society’s response to domestic violence over the last decade, we have also seen a significant drop in juvenile violence.

The third notion is that understanding violence is similar to a preschooler putting together a picture puzzle of Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse. Only when all of the pieces are put in place does one obtain a clear image. These are about a dozen major puzzle pieces that contribute to violence: poverty, alcohol and other drugs, easy availability of firearms, the media (everything from surfing the Net to violent videos to junk mail messages), loss of community supports and sense of neighborhood, lack of individual coping skills, lack of a significant mental health infrastructure, previous history of abuse, all of the “ism’s” (classism, elitism, sexism, racism, ageism). Every time we try and take out one puzzle piece and make it the cause of all the violence, we negate the reality of multiple causes. If only we could get rid of gangster rap, or handguns, or alcohol, then violence would stop. Although such attempts to simplify are doomed to failure, there is a menu of solutions for each of the major puzzle pieces. The more people are engaged on the solutions end, the more progress we will make.

The fourth idea is that in order to continue our peacemaking journey we need to be operating within five concentric circles, five circles that embrace each other:

1. 1.The innermost is the circle of the self: how am I doing today with my own anger and stress? Am I spreading it around my living room?
   

2. 2.The next circle is that of the family. What am I modeling for my children and other family members in terms of how I treat men and women, deal with conflict and my own emotional states?
   

3. 3.The next level out is the community. We all wear different hats in the course of a week. Perhaps we are engaged in a spiritual community, or involved with our children’s school, or in our workplace, or driving children to soccer games as a neighbor. In each of these domains, or circles of influences, we can be a positive force for peacemaking.
   

4. 4.The next circle is the culture: working to change some of the difficult aspects of our collective awareness. This might involve working to end racism, or to increase support for mental health services, or to reduce the stigma associated with getting treatment for drug problems.
   

5. 5.The final arena is global: there is much to be done with eliminating land mines, reducing the flow of arms, improving adverse health and living conditions and social injustice, which lead to conflicts that escalate into wars. The point is that at any given moment we can be operating in one of the circles to help make things better.
   

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Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.