Editor’s Note: In his last two articles, Donald Jeffries, Executive Director of the Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute in St. Louis, Missouri [who is a former resident of New Mexico and has been involved in several of the NMMW conferences since 1991], laid out some of the problems he observed in the way the annual New Mexico Men’s Wellness conferences are structured, and suggested ways to improve them and our statewide movement.

In this article, he addresses some of the reasons we are motivated to behave the way we do, as males, and use the kind of language we use, both as a result of largely unconscious cultural ‘scripts’ that we have been taught. Given that most of the men attending the conference are white heterosexual males, he is going to address the kinds of ‘privilege’ we possess in American culture.

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I’ve vigorously noted the inappropriateness of the ‘jokes’ that are told at the Men’s Wellness Conference (last year and all the previous years I attended the gathering – especially, though not solely, on “Talent Night”) and how use of that kind of language doesn’t flatter the culture of nonwhite males, gay males, and of women.

One of the best articles I’ve ever read on this subject is a short piece by Peggy McIntosh entitled White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack [Winter 1990 issue of Independent School]. (To see the whole article, ‘Google’ her name and the reference will pop up.) Ms. McIntosh very clearly lays out many of the ‘invisible’ privileges that we, as whites and as males, are given by our culture. What is important to note is that these advantages are only invisible to us, not to nonwhite people or to women (though white females have certain cultural privileges also, just for being white). It’s a multi-level problem.

The analogy of the fish in the ocean is apt here: to the fish, the ocean is simply reality. The fish doesn’t have any ‘exterior’ concept of swimming in the ocean; the ocean simply IS what it swims in. It’s only an outside observer, like humans, who note, “the fish swims in the ocean”. In the same way, whites have their own “ocean of privilege”, and white males have “another ocean of privilege” on top of that. And we don’t notice this “ocean of privilege” (it’s invisible to us) precisely because, for us, it IS ‘reality’. It’s difficult for us to be outside of it, and see it ‘looking back’. But females notice our male privilege, and nonwhites are very much aware of our [and that of white females] white privilege. They’re “observing from the outside”.

In her article, Ms. McIntosh notes [as a white female]:

I think whites are carefully taught not to recognize white privilege, as males are taught not to recognize male privilege...I have come to see white privilege as an invisible package of unearned assets that I can count on cashing in each day, but about which I was “meant” to remain oblivious. White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools, and blank checks.

She has a long list of ways that white & male privilege plays out, a few of which, that I feel apply to our behavior at the conferences, I will paraphrase here:

• I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race or sexual orientation on trial.

• I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial

          group.

• I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, feared, joked about or ridiculed.

• My culture gives me little fear about ignoring the perspectives and powers of people of other races, genders or sexual orientations.

• I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.

• I can arrange my activities so that I will never have to experience feelings of rejection owing to my race, gender, or sexual orientation.

• I will feel welcomed and “normal” in the usual walks of public life, institutional and social.

White privilege allows whites, males, and heterosexual people to “freely disparage, fear, neglect, or be oblivious to anything outside of the dominant cultural forms.... Whiteness/maleness/being heterosexual protects [them] from many kinds of hostility, distress, and violence, which [they] were being subtly trained to visit, in turn, upon people of color [and gay men].”

Ms. McIntosh really hits home when she notes, “I have met very few men who are truly distressed about systemic, unearned male advantage and conferred dominance.” She stresses that we need to ferret out how that privilege affects us in our daily lives and notes that “our white students in the United States think that racism doesn’t affect them because they are not people of color; they do not see “whiteness” as a racial identity.” Further “[race and gender oppression] both take active forms...which as a member of dominant groups one is taught not to see.” [Italics added]

I might note that any of us, at any time, can feel like we don’t belong or aren’t a part of the group (male sexual abuse survivors often feel this way); what I’m pointing out an unconscious pattern of cultural behavior which places persons who are not members of the ‘dominant group’ [whichever group has dominance in a particular setting] in the ‘outside position’ because dominant group members can’t see this problem due to their cultural education.

Often our ‘jokes’ are self-deprecating or defensive, and say more about our need to alleviate our own discomfort in a particular setting than they do about our feelings or deeply held beliefs about other people or groups. The problem is that most ‘jokes’ hurt someone [sometimes ourselves] and that, while humor is important, necessary, and often helpful to relieve emotional stress, there are kinds of humor that are ‘appropriate’ and those which are ‘inappropriate’. And what is inappropriate are jokes which result in hurting others in the process, especially other persons who are either present or for whom we want our men’s movement to have value.

Unfortunately, nonwhites, gay men, and women, in particular, are adversely affected by our ‘invisible’ [to us] white heterosexual privilege. They often become the ‘butt’ of our jokes, precisely because they aren’t members of the ‘dominant’ group -- not simply ‘dominant’ at our conferences, but ‘dominant’, power-wise, in American culture.

Hence, it is critical that we, as men who are actively seeking to heal our emotional wounds and become emotionally healthy males, look at these unconscious privileges, so thoroughly incorporated in our use of language, so that we can assist in the healing of the planet. In the process, through our behavior and speech, we can stop being part of the problem, and instead become an integral part of the solution.

In this regard, I propose a workshop, that I will design (with the assistance of other antiracism colleagues here in St. Louis) for presentation at the annual men’s wellness conference, which would give men attending the gathering the ‘tools’ for heightened awareness of these issues and a way to more effectively approach their behavior and language when in the company of people unlike themselves. Such a workshop would allow us to begin the process of “sitting outside the ocean of privilege” and focus on change, rather than simply what is wrong and why.

Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.