(Note to readers: The following article was written by Donald B. Jeffries, Executive Director of the Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute, for Man Alive, the quarterly publication of the New Mexico Men’s Wellness Conference, held annually at Ghost Ranch near Abiqui, NM. It follows upon a presentation I made at the October 2004 conference when I ‘placed before the participants’ an open challenge to look critically at the ways in which that conference and the men’s movement generally has not adequately grown along with the developments in the larger social arena and suggested ways to mature, as a social movement, as we move into the next phase of our growth.)

The Next 20 Years – The Maturity Phase of Our Movement

During the first 20 years, our focus in the New Mexico men’s movement has been on changing men’s relationships to themselves, on loving their inner child, on being positive about our maleness, and on bonding with other men. While these are admirable objectives that were critical to the progress of the Movement, what we failed to sufficiently incorporate was sensitivity to diversity and the issues faced by men who are not heterosexual middle and upper class professional white males, the primary attendees of our annual conference. I would propose that that is our challenge in this maturity phase of our movement: to be open to learning how we, as men who have learned how to bond, can move beyond our class, race, and gender orientation limitations and thereby ensure that the men’s movement survives as a vibrant concept. Without such openness to change, our movement will continue to survive only as a ‘marginal’ cultural construct.

Personally, I’m dissatisfied with that; that’s the reason I have been working on the creation of the Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute here in St. Louis. It’s not enough for me to want to change, or for me to want people “just like me” to change, I want to do nothing less than change the world. I want men all across the nation and eventually the world to embrace the concepts and strengths of men’s wellness. But in order for that to happen, we have to create a  “big circle”, that is inclusive of issues faced by men of ALL races, economic classes, gender orientations, and cultures, not simply the rather narrow closed circle that we have inadvertently constructed at the NM Men’s Wellness Conference.

As I noted in my comments Sunday morning at the 2004 conference, as an example we use the symbols and instruments of Native American ritual at Ghost Ranch — clan circles, drums, concepts of Native American spirituality — yet we have rarely had Native American representation at our gatherings. I think it’s important that we assertively invite more Native American — and Hispanic, African American and Asian men — to our conference, with scholarship assistance, to ensure that our movement is experienced by men’s of many different diverse cultures. In the process, the men who have heretofore been the beneficiaries of this movement in New Mexico will learn how to be more open and embracing of other cultural constructs of masculinity, and males of other groups can enrich our mutual traditions. In the process, hopefully we will learn how to use those Native American rituals in a more culturally sensitive manner, one that works alongside and with Native Americans rather than simply borrows from those men.

Further, I would stress that, as George Laskoff and other linguists have pointed out, “language constructs reality”. What we say and how we say it, even when telling jokes (maybe even more important then, given how jokes can often be hurtful, mean, and even vicious to various groups), is critical for creating the kind of “welcoming environment” where men of many diverse cultures and those facing multiple emotional issues can feel comfortable in attending the “sacred space” of our conference. This doesn’t negate humor; lightness is always welcome and necessary to relieve the stress of life as a man. But some language that has been used among us at our gatherings is simply inappropriate in a gathering that prides itself on the creation of a “sacred space” for men to deal with their innermost pain and need for male bonding.

That “sacred space” (and I propose that this include the whole of the conference) should not include inappropriate sexist, homophobic, racist, sexually abusive language. What we say does construct the reality that we live and as “men on the road to emotional wellness” is it critical that we be aware of this linguistic environment. The way our gatherings are presently constructed gay men, male survivors of sexual abuse, and men of diverse, non-white cultures are not and cannot feel comfortable, in spite of all our ‘talk’ about wanting their inclusion. Even if we are able to successfully encourage their attendance, they will not be willing to return a second time, after being subjected to such ‘loose sexist/racist/homophobic’ language that is used by some of the participants at the conference, and many of us at various points when we lack the most important “critical consciousness” necessary for such sensitivity.

Upon the beginning of our second 20 years and the maturity phase of the NM Men’s Wellness Movement, let’s embrace change with open arms. Our brothers should expect nothing less from us.

(Please be aware that, having become an elder at the 2004 Conference, I will submit articles to Man Alive, on a continuing basis, to propose methods of addressing these concerns. In the process, I hope to suggest pathways of moving toward “the new man” that I believe men’s wellness could and in fact should be.)

Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.