Mike Lew: Victims No Longer

On Definitions of Gender

In order to free ourselves from the limitations of these (stereotypic views of masculinity and femininity), we have to be aware of their existence and recognize their negative effects. This calls for work and attention. Automatic judgments about masculinity and femininity are everywhere. Even our supposedly neutral, judgment-free reference books display our cultural (sexist)  biases.

feminine: delicate, tender, docile, submissive, effete, sissyish, faggy

womanly: mature, soft, ladylike, refined, sympathetic, tender, motherly

masculine: macho, robust, muscular, athletic, strong, vigorous, lusty, energetic, powerful, potent, brave, fearless, unafraid, hairy, butch

manly: two-fisted, he-mannish, hairy-chested, mighty, broad-shouldered, red-blooded, rugged, intrepid, audacious, daring, tough, unflinching, ready for anything, honorable, decent, and ballsy.

The message is clear. What is expected of one sex is denied to the other. A woman cannot be “masculine”; no true man displays “womanly” attributes. To be a woman one must be passive, soft, nurturing.... and weak. Men, in turn, must not evidence these “softer emotions.” They must be strong, devoid of fear, unflinching, and capable (“ready for anything”). Any lapse into doubt, confusion, tenderness or emotionalism is perceived as weakness -- a female characteristic.

We have to stop being concerned with determining the “right” way to be a man. These is ample room for diversity of interests, personalities, temperaments, and capabilities for women and men. What disturbs me is the inevitable result of an attitude that limits human diversity. We must be free to be who we are, whether or not we are compatible with an acceptable image.

On being victims (men):

Since women are expected to be passive, weaker, powerless beings, there is room for sympathy when they are victimized. But there is a particular focus of the problem that is faced only by men. It arises from the fact that our culture provides no room for a man as victim. A “real man” is expected to be able to protect himself in any situation. When he experiences victimization, our culture expects him to be able to “deal with it like a man.”

Unfortunately, “dealing with it like a man” usually translates as avenging the hurt (preferable violently), then forgetting about it -- moving on. When he cannot -- or is unwilling to -- resort to this mode of problem-solving, he is  called a coward and scorned as unmanly.

Since men “are not supposed to be victims,”, abuse (and particularly sexual abuse) becomes a process of demasculinization (or emasculinization). If men aren’t to be victims (the equation reads), then victims aren’t men. The victimized male wonders and worries about what the abuse has turned him into. Believing that he is no longer an adequate man, he may see himself as a child, a woman, gay, or less than human -- an irreparably damaged freak.

Other Authors’ Views on Definitions of Gender

Stuart: The Uninvited Dilemma: A Question of Gender

Gender: means by which we classify biological sex (male or female).

In language we have three genders: masculine, feminine, and neuter

In human beings and other animals, we assigns only two genders, male and female.

Sex related to the reproductive organs - in short, the genitals, and their function or performance.

Gender congruity: gender reassignment, comfort with ones genitals of birth

Gender discomfort: A feeling of being ill at ease with one’s gender of birth and all that implies.

Gender dyphoria: The feeling of belonging is not compatible with the gender roles assigned at birth.

Gender roles: Societal expectations of how we are “supposed” to appear and behave in society, depending on whether we are male or female.

Sexual preference: Who or what creates sexual interest in persons.

Allegeier, McCormick:  Changing Boundaries: Gender Roles and Sexual Behavior

Gender identity: Awareness of one’s gender and the incorporation of gender as an important part of one’s basic identity. Gender identity has a major impact on all subsequent development, especially on all aspects of gender-role acquisition and psychosexual development.

Gender role: Prescribed roles expected of men and women and boys and girls in each culture. What we wear, career choices, etc.

Sexual behavior: Dictated by sexual knowledge, sexual attitudes, and sexual scripts -- the value we attach to sexuality, our comfort with our own sexuality, and a set of ‘norms and expectations’ regarding the manner in which intimate relationships are acted out.

Weinrich: Sexual Landscapes: Why We Are What We Are, Why We Love Whom We Love

Core gender identity: The innermost experience of oneself as male or female -- often, though not always, goes along with the appearance of the genitals.

Gender role: Set of social roles that a particular society at a particular time prescribes for females and for males. (Mention Natl. Geo Special on gender -- in 1900, blue was considered ‘feminine’ and pink ‘masculine’ -- color coded sexism.)

Sexual orientation: Readiness particular people have to pair erotosexually with a member of their own sex or a member of the other sex.

Brown & Rounsley: True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism

Varieties of gender identity¨& sexual orientation:

• heterosexual

• homosexual

• bisexual

• intersexed individuals (hermaphrodites)

• transvestites/cross dressers (generally hetero)

• drag queens (female presentation, generally gay)

• she-males/”chicks with dicks” (breast argumentation, retention of male genitalia)

• female impersonators (theatrical female presentation - may be hetero, gay, bi, or trans)

• gender benders (challenge and cross traditional gender boundaries, in often outrageous ways)

• transgendered

-- live in world as opposite gender (from birth), but no surgery

-- transsexuals, experiencing gender confusion, choose surgical
              reassignment