When a child has to wall-off and exile the parts of himself that feel helplessness, pain, sadness, fear and anger, he is deprived of the contributions of these parts to his development, and feels less complete and less equipped without them. The anger, in particular, is a badly needed source of self-esteem, because its the part that knows that all this is unfair. If it had an adult vocabulary and could speak, the angry part might be saying things like, "Why did this happen to me? I didn’t ask to be born into this family, or into these circumstances! This is completely unfair, and Im going to do something about it!" But, unlike an adult, the child has yet to develop the language and conceptual skills to express and make use of the anger. A child’s inarticulate anger becomes frustration and rage that terrifies the child.

Before proceeding with this description of what goes on internally, there needs to be some explanation about the use of the term "parts." Most people are aware of internal struggles between parts that want to have another serving of dessert, for example, versus parts that tell them it would be bad for their health. The more serious the internal struggle, the more useful it can be to consider, and work with "parts" as a way of understanding the conflict and arriving at solutions. Many, perhaps most survivors find this way of thinking matches their experience, and provides them with a way of understanding and beginning to get a handle on the conflicts.

It is not unusual for a survivors experience of these parts to be so dramatic that he fears he may have what was formerly called "Multiple Personality Disorder," a diagnosis that has been supplanted by "Dissociative Identity Disorder." Dissociative experiences exist on a continuum from the common experiences of daydreaming and milder forms of zoning out, to the extreme forms in which a person may have highly developed separate personalities that are not even aware of each other. Common dissociative experiences for survivors usually fall somewhere in between and can include amnesia for parts of the abuse or feelings of unreality in some circumstances. It is not uncommon during rape experiences for the victim to have the dissociative experience of feeling he is moving out of his body. Sometimes this experience includes the sensation of watching from a point above, or to the side.

In the case of traumatic experiences in childhood the parts tend to split up, becoming distrustful, and terrified of one another. The child has to defend himself from the anxiety of being overwhelmed by the fear, the sadness, the feelings of helplessness, or the rage. The world is no longer a safe place, so efforts to feel safe take precedence over everything else. This preoccupation with safety will put the child on continual alert, and will rob him of energy and of his powers of concentration, the result of which is that his grades may fall, and his interest in other activities wane.

Parts then emerge which take responsibility for assuring his survival and protecting him from the several areas of anxiety. Richard C. Schwartz (1995), in his book, Internal Family Systems Therapy, refers to these parts as "managers."

These managing parts commonly handle the feelings of desperation by forcing into exile the parts carrying the feelings of helplessness, sadness, rage and any other feeling that threatens to overwhelm the system. The parts being exiled do not accept their exile willingly, and press for attention to their needs. If managing parts are successful, the exiled parts may remain buried until well into adult life before their need for attention surfaces, usually in conflicted or bizarre and confusing ways. In the meantime, the person has lost the flexibility that would come from having all his resources at hand, and has lost the self-esteem needed to balance guilt and self-doubt. It is not uncommon for the resulting pressure to lead to emotional or behavioral outbursts, or to self-mutilation or suicidal behavior. The variations on these basic themes are as numerous as the children who endure the experiences.

Exiled parts tend to get stuck at the age and developmental stage at which the event occurred. This creates a particular difficulty dealing with the feelings later on. A young child has minimal life experience with which to moderate his feelings, so, the feelings tend to be global, i.e., they occupy the child’s entire consciousness. If the feeling is anger, for example, the anger tends to be global and nondiscriminatory, and may come out at whoever happens to be around. If the feeling is helplessness, it will be tremendously frightening, because it seems to the child that he has no control over anything at all, that there is no way out, and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. If these feelings emerge later when the child is older or during adulthood, the person will be terrified, because the feelings will still have the global, overwhelming characteristics. The person can easily think he is going crazy, or that he is going to die. It is the severity of this fear that requires the person to develop such strong and often rigid defenses, or to resort to self-mutilation or suicidal behavior.

This is not meant to be discouraging to the survivor, but rather to shed light on the reasons the struggles can be so difficult, and to alert the public to the significance of the difficulties. The intensity of the feelings and conflicts can be resolved. It takes time. Working in a group of male survivors is particularly helpful. Working with a psychotherapist or counselor trained in these issues can help. The complexity of the issues requires special training before a psychotherapist can help a person with the necessary resolution. Otherwise, there is a risk the therapist may inadvertently retraumatize the person, or reinforce the defenses that block further resolution. According to Richard C. Schwartz, the persons real Self typically feels caught between the parts and their conflicts. In his view it is the goal of psychotherapy to help the persons Self establish some control, so that he, and not the parts, is finally running the show.

It is common for survival to include the development of an overly strong conscience or self-critical part. This typically results in behavior that is demanding of oneself and of others, or behavior that is largely rebellious, or behavior that fluctuates from one extreme to the other. An overly critical conscience lowers self-esteem and expectations, and makes it easier to control the exiled parts. But, it accomplishes this at the cost of causing depression, and miring the individual in guilt and shame. Who knows how many problems of substance abuse and other addictions are caused by efforts to escape this aftermath of sexual abuse?

It should be apparent from this brief introduction that while the immediate effects may not be outwardly dramatic, the impact of what might seem to be even minor sexual abuse experiences in childhood seriously handicaps the child’s learning and developmental processes, leaving him at a disadvantage for coping with life. It interferes with every aspect of life and hampers the development of satisfying relationships.

Mental health professionals may want to reference the following works:

Schwartz, Richard C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York: Gilford Press.

Watkins, John G. & Helen H. (1997). Ego States: Theory and Therapy. New York: W.W. Norton and Company.

Pickens Moore, MSW, LISW

(formerly director of mental health clinics in Los Angeles and NYC)

Director of the Sexual Abuse Treatment Program at Connections, Inc.

Gallup, New Mexico

April, 2001

picmoore@bigfoot.com

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Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.