printed in the St. Louis Post Dispatch, Metro Page, on March 1, 2001

When most of us think of sexual abuse, we usually think of women or girls who have been abused.

But in doing so, we may be erroneously throwing out the fact that men and boys are also victims of such abuse, says Donald Jeffries, Executive Director of the Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute here.

The Mariposa Institute is designed to promote the emotional wellness of men, who often ignore their emotional needs.

Male sexual abuse is much more widespread than society is willing to admit, Jeffries said. “Conservative estimates are that one out of every five girls and one out of every seven boys has been or is being sexually abused,” he said. “That translates into approximately 25 to 28 million females and 20 to 24 million males who are sexual trauma survivors.”

“A big problem for men in our culture is that the whole ‘manhood’ construct is that men aren’t supposed to be victims,” he said. “Men don’t cry, men tough it out, men are expected to simply acknowledge their problems and move on. It’s OK for women and girls who have been victimized to speak out, and they receive sympathy from our society. But men who speak out are often the targets of laughter or disbelief. Men aren’t allowed to come forward.”

So who are the males who are victims of such abuse? “The victims are often boys who are raped,” Jeffries said. “And one misconception that people have is that those who are committing such abuse are homosexual.” Actually, those who rape are neither mainly homosexual or heterosexual, largely because the act of rape is one of violence, not one of sex, Jeffries said.

Men who are victimized as adults are often, but not always, men who are in prison or gay men who are sexually assaulted, he said.

But because men often feel that they are unable to deal with having been victimized, such assaults often play themselves out as some of the victims become involved in drug abuse, sexual abuse, or violence. “A lot of men in our society are acting out their own abuse in a sexually predatory way, because they feel they’re unable to talk about what’s happening to them,” Jeffries said.

Jeffries has additional theories about men. “Because of the requirement that men in our culture ‘not feel’ pain or hurt, or that the only feeling that is allowable is anger, males in American culture often reject sensitive or caring feelings, both for others and themselves,” he said. “When they do feel pain or grief in their lives, they stuff those feelings. When they feel angst or anxiety about a social interaction, they sometimes express that discomfort by making the world around them even more negative by acting out in an angry or hurtful way.

“There are a lot of males who were raped as children who might never have wound up in prison had someone intervened to help them deal with the pain and guilt that often comes with being assaulted.”

Jeffries said the Mariposa Institute is attempting to educate people about the issue. “It’s important for people to realize the damage that continues because we’ve ignored this problem,” he said. “We’re trying to let the public know about this. We hope to eventually start a certification program to train therapists how to deal with this issue.”

The Institute, which is relatively new, hopes to eventually hold several conferences locally where men, accompanied by their wives, girlfriends, or partners, can openly discuss what has happened to them and the effect it has had on their lives. They’ll also be able to learn how best to cope with being the victim of sexual violence.

“Like women who have been assaulted, men need to realize that what has happened to them is not their fault,” Jeffries said.

Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.