Review by Donald B. Jeffries, Executive Director, Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute

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In the last couple of days, I have been reading a book which “blew my socks off” with incisive, clear-eyed, brilliant, cut-to-the-chase analysis of patriarchy and men’s discomfort with their own feelings, which is a subject that I talk a lot about. The book I’m referring to is The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, Love, by bell hooks. She, in much clearer and more articulate writing than I’ve heretofore been able to manifest, delineates the nature of the patriarchy, notes that men and women are equally encased by its dictates and equally promote its demands, and notes the ways in which men are stopped from expressing their own emotional angst by the discomfort their female partners and male friends feel when they begin to talk about those deeper emotions. There is hardly a single wasted sentence in the book; it is an incredibly tight, cogent discussion.

This is a book that has joined in my mind a few books*  that have had an overwhelming impact on my way of viewing the world. I would hardily recommend it to everyone I meet who cares about healthy communication between men and women, and men and other men.

I have attached some quotes [on page 2 of this review] from The Will To Change, to hopefully encourage you to read the book. I’m not a book promoter, nor do I derive any commission from this exercise; I take note of this book because it has so thoroughly spoken to my heart and soul, and has so delightfully (and with a distinct amount of motivational discomfort) spoken to the ideas which I have been expressing for many years in my men’s emotional wellness work. If I were wealthy, I’d purchase hundreds of copies of this book and distribute it to everyone I know who cares about men, and to all their partners. I’ve read hundreds of books on women’s issues and feminism which say, in the preface, that it is a book that women and their partners should read; I would note that bell hook’s book falls in that category as well.

Since I’m not wealthy, I recommend that you get a copy at the local library or purchase one for your home library. I think you’ll find that it is a study that you will be referring to over and over again as you engage in personal emotional growth. This one is a keeper!! Wow!!

1. *John Stoltenberg, The End of Manhood: A Book For Men of Consciousness;
   

   Lillian Ruben, Intimate Strangers;

   Mike Lew, Victims No Longer: Men Recovering From Incest and
    Other Child Abuse;

   Michael Kimmel, The Gendered Society;

   Warren Farrell, The Myth of Male Power;

   Barbara Ehrenreich, The Hearts of Men: American Dreams and The
    Flight From Commitment;

   Terrance Real, How Can I Get Through To You?: Reconnecting Men and Women; and

   Aaron Kipnis & Elizabeth Herron, What Women and Men Really Want: Creating Deeper Understanding & Love In Our Relationships.

Pages:  1  2

Mariposa Men’s Wellness Institute was founded in 2001

to help men become emotionally healthy.